Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Yoko Bloody Ono!

Yoko Ono has just opened a new exhibition of her art in London for the first time in over a decade.
Called 'To the Light' it contains such images as three piles of dirt  under a poster saying War is Over, some World War2 German army helmets hanging upside down from the ceiling with jigsaw pieces in them and a close up picture of somebodies arse.

Over the years Yoko Ono has worked as a performance artist, film maker, poet, musician, writer and peace activist. Unfortunately she has been completely shit at all of these things.
I'll be the first to say that I am not the most qualified person to make a statement such as that.  I'm old fashioned and believe that art should be something that takes inspiration and effort, the key word here being effort. Throwing a load of old junk together and claiming it has meaning is just lazy.

Let me give you an example.  Years ago when I was a teenager I had been drinking with some friends and we had the idea of tipping a friends dad's car over onto it's side and placing a pillow on the floor under the front wing so it looked like it was resting it's head.  Then we would throw a blanket over the car so that when his dad came out to go to work in the morning it would look like the car was asleep.
We didn't do this of course, we were drunken idiots just having a laugh.

But in the wrong hands this could be turned into a serious artistic installation by someone pretentious enough to think that anybody gave a shit about their take on the world. They would call it 'Sleeping Ford Escort' or even 'The Decline of Manufacturing Output in the West'.

I'm going over old ground here, I've given my opinion on lazy art before and the Emperor's New Clothes attitude that people better educated than myself seem to adopt towards it. I assume that people will go to her exhibitions and tell each other what the pieces mean to them.  They don't want to be seen as the thickos who say 'But it's just helmets with jigsaw bits in them'.

People like Ono don't appear to have any artistic talent but desperately want us to believe they have.  They come up with daft ideas that any half intelligent person could come up with while drunk or stoned.  The difference with her is she wants it to be taken seriously, and she wants paying for it.  Do you honestly believe she would be getting the attention that she does if she hadn't married a Beatle?

And as for being a peace activist, does the world look like a peaceful place right now?

Anyway, that's me done ranting for a couple of weeks.  I'm dropping off the internet while I undertake a top secret mission for Queen and country. Or I go on holiday.  Take your pick.  Either way I'm not going to be able to look at your blogs for a while but I will be back soon to impose my unqualified opinions on you all.
So until I return, remain strong and always ask questions.


Al Penwasser said...

What does this crazy bitch live on?
Probably royalties from old Beatles songs.
THAT can't be a lot. ;-)
Be safe out there, 007.
Or use sun screen.
Whichever works.

Padded Cell Princess said...

I don't get it either. The title of her exhibit seems fitting though. I would be willing to head "to the light" if I had to be there!

jamiessmiles said...

I don't get the whole modern art thing. I'm sure it is because I am an uncultured slob, but I'd rather be an uncultured slob than "get" that kind of crap.

Lisa Shafer said...

As long as she sticks to performance art and doesn't sing, I'm okay. :)

MRanthrope said...

I agree with you about Yoko and lazy art in general. I mean, she's made a career out of marrying a Beatle and has tried to amp up her relevancy with all those BS "callings" of hers.

Pat Hatt said...

Yeah stupid is pretty much the word I come too, and don't go getting shot on any missions.

Adam said...

she needs to retire

Missed Periods said...

Have fun on your secret mission.

Janie Junebug said...

I shall miss you, Mein Herr Van Helsing. Keep your nose clean and your pants dry. Create some art with rocks and grass while you're out and about and then have an art exhibit. Years ago, I liked Yoko and John's bed-in, and I continue that tradition. At least it's peaceful in my house.

Janie von Junebuggery

The Angry Lurker said...

Have a good holiday mate and I totally agree, she's a munter!

Rob Z Tobor said...

I did have a little laugh when I got to........... 'Unfortunately she has been completely shit at all of these things'... You have to admit at least she is consistent.

Strangely I heard her taking on the radio today and she sounded quite logical about things. Maybe as you get older normality creeps in. O GOD I hope that will not happen to me

Mynx said...

Bugger, you mean I actually have to put effort into my art? Oh well, I shall have to give that a go sometime.
Got to admit, I dont understand a lot of modern art.

Have a great holiday. or secret mission....

Tony Van Helsing said...

Al: Doubt I'll need sun screen where I'm going.

Princess: Ha ha, nice one.

Jamie: I'm with you, better to be an uncultured slob than a pretentious twat.

Lisa: Is there no beginning to her talent?

MRanthrope#: I agree. She should pick one art form to be shit at.

Pat: I have a bullet proof arse.

Adam: She shouldn't even have started working.

Periods: Fun is my middle name. Oh no, I mean Van is my middle name.

Janie: I'll miss you too. Hope the house remains peaceful.

Lurker: Cheers mate. Munter she be.

Rob: She's probably a lovely person to know, whereas I am a bitter, twisted individual.

Mynx: Art should impress people, not make them wonder whether or not it is any good.

Katsidhe said...

My bestie went to art school and on his graduation, at the senior display thing, I saw a lot of fucked up "art" aka a lot of people who wasted a lot of money on tuition.

Enjoy your holiday, sir!

Nicki Elson said...

I vote for top secret mission, but somewhere nice that's the type of place people go on holiday, except you won't be able to fully enjoy it because of your missioning. But maybe once the thing's accomplished you can stay an extra couple of days and soak up the sun or whatever it is that's soakable wherever you're going.

It was a lovely short story you left at my place. Thank you. And I forgot to tell you - "Our House" is the Madness song that was a hit in the U.S.

Elisa Hirsch said...

Part 1: Get a babysitter

Part 2: Become a drunken idiot--again (lol)

Part 3: Make art

Part 4: Submit my ideas to Yoko

This is gonna be golden!

Choleesa said...

"kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss me love, just one kiss, kiss will do"

Easy said...

yoko ono-ly brought down the greatest band in the history of bands!

Tony Van Helsing said...

Katsidhe: What's a 'bestie'?

Nicki: Thank you, it was a pleasure. The long term weather forecast doesn't have much sun in it where I'm going.

Elisa: Just send that list you've written to Yoko and call it something pretentious. Hey presto, instant art.

Choleesa: Steady, girl.

Easy: Her finest work.

Bart said...

I plan on taking it, as for yoko ono, does anyone else find her morbidly scarey looking? or is it just me

Juliette said...

See, If you or I put something like that in an exhibition people would think we'd gone crazy. I can make Tracey Emins unmade bed EVERY day but nobody wants to put that on show or pay me shit loads of money for being 'artistic' - its all a load of bollocks.

Tony Van Helsing said...

Bart: She does look a bit skeletal.

Juliette: It's all about going to the right art college and knowing the right people. We wouldn't get a look in.

Anonymous said...

Well you hit the nail on the head there my friend! Lazy anything drives me bonkers but artist don't have the luxury of being lazy. If they are then they need to consider they may not be artist! Oh and if you come visit you should read the cow poo story that was up yesterday. I think you will enjoy that form of art better. :)

Jax said...

I'm picking top secret mission!! Sounds very exciting. ;) Yoko Ono has a very interesting history. I'm still not sure how I feel about her though.

Powdered Toast Man said...

Can you smack the Queen for me? I think you said you were visiting the Queen. It's hard to pay attention nowdays.

Lindsay N. Currie said...

Have a great trip Tony -- I'll fully expect some really entertaining posts (complete with pictures) when you return:)

Vapid Vixen said...

Call me a thicko cause I do NOT get it.