Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Gay Grenade.

The UK news yesterday was filled with the Government's internal battle over the right of gay people to marry each other.  The Prime Minister and a large number of government ministers want to give gay people the same right to marry as heterosexual people but there is also a vocal section of his party who are against this.

As is always the case there are lots of people who seem to fear that by giving homosexual people the same rights as heterosexual people will further push society into moral decline.
However during the last decade a number of countries have allowed same sex couples to marry such as Argentina, Belgium, France, Canada, Denmark, Portugal, Norway and Spain. These countries have not slid into chaos.

For any of you who are reading this that believe that homosexual people should not have the right to marry then let me ask you a hypothetical question. Imagine that the tables were turned and that society was based on homosexual values instead of heterosexual. Same sex couples were legally allowed to marry in churches or registry offices but heterosexual people were not. How would this make you feel, would you feel like society treated you as a lesser being than the homosexuals? And how would you feel if other people stuck their noses into your life and told you that you must stop being attracted to members of the opposite sex and begin fancying people of your own gender.

Do you see how ridiculous this sounds? I enjoy the company of other men but feel no physical attraction to them. Men are lumpy, hairy things that smell whereas women are soft and smooth and curvy and smell wonderful.  Think about being told you must change your entire sex life on the say so of someone who has no business inflicting their views on you.

Some people are physically attracted to members of their own sex, why is this such a problem? How do other peoples sexual preferences impact on the lives of the disapproving?

There are so many things that are wrong and evil in the world yet instead of trying to deal with this there are many people who obsess over the sex lives of strangers, something that is absolutely nothing to do with them.

If two people of the same sex fall in love and want to commit to each other for the rest of their lives then we should be celebrating in the same way we do when people of the opposite sex do the same thing.
Because at the end of the day, no matter what sex we are attracted to we are all people.

Friday, 10 May 2013

Fanny Magnet.

The first time I was in America I lost count of the number of times  people asked me if I had ever seen the Queen of England or if I lived in London. It soon became apparent that many Americans don't know anything about my country other than the fact that we have a Royal Family who live in London.

I tried telling them that I lived in the north of England and not in the south where London is but this was met with blank looks and people saying 'Huh'?
Americans don't care about mushy peas, cobbled streets, coal mining villages, bleak moorlands or grinding poverty.  They want to see the Queen wearing a crown with so many jewels in it that  even the most blinged-up gangster rapper would consider a bit ostentatious.

So in a blatant piece of band wagon jumping I am going to talk about Royalty in a bid to attract more American readers because I am a shameless hussy.

Prince Harry has been visiting America recently and the streets of Washington are lined with women taking pictures on their mobiles and getting damp around the gusset area at the thought of his royal gingerness.

Harry is great, he fights the Taliban in Afghanistan and plays strip poker in Las Vegas hotels. When Prince William got married Harry looked and acted like a normal bloke at his brothers wedding, whispering 'She's gorgeous' to the groom as Kate walked down the aisle. It isn't hard to imagine him dancing and flirting with the bridesmaids at the reception, jacket off and pint in hand.

When he met Usein Bolt and challenged him to a race he distracted Bolt by getting him to look at something then sprinting down the track while his back was turned leaving Bolt to run after him laughing.

Prince Harry comes across as one of the lads. He is enormously rich and a member of the British Royal Family but he is also a squaddie and enjoys the camaraderie of Army life and isn't afraid to muck in with the rest of his comrades.  They take the piss out of him good naturedly and he takes the piss right back.

Women all over the world fancy him and men can't help but like him.  He fucks up now and again but so do the rest of us and this helps us to relate to him in a way that the rest of the Royal Family don't.  He doesn't have the same aloofness and stiff manners that his family display and you know that if you met him you would probably feel more at ease than if you met his grandma.

I once saw his dad, Prince Charles at the Great Yorkshire Show as he judged a sheep shearing competition. He seemed okay and was a lot shorter than I was expecting.

So there you are my American friends, I have met Royalty and talked about Prince Harry. All the things about England that you guys love.  Now go away and by some Union Jack tea towels.