Tuesday, 17 July 2012

What Shall We Talk About?

I'm back after a hiatus and as I sit here typing I realise that I don't know what to say.  Usually my posts follow a single theme that I try not to stray too far from but today I'm sat looking blankly at the wall like a cow staring at an Xbox, no comprehension at all.

I could talk about the holiday in Devon I just returned from. How I saw Dolphins leaping alongside the boat from Lundy Island or the hikes along coastal cliffs and through mist-covered forests.

I could talk about my temporary new job as a police dispatcher, I have been seconded from my department to fill in at the Divisional Control Room due to a lack of manpower and it is one of the most stressful things I have ever done. I have just completed my first seven day set of early and late shifts in this role and I think this maybe why I feel as beat up as I do.

Maybe I could tell you about how one of my cats has suddenly started eating my toenail clippings for some reason. Or how the build up to the Olympics in this country is being ruined by the huge amount of hype the corporate sponsors like McDonald's and Coca Cola are throwing around.  I'm pretty sure Olympic athletes don't use any of these products.

Maybe I'll go on about how excited I am regarding the Judge Dredd film due out in September.  I've read the comic since I was a kid and the new film looks a lot more promising than the awful Stallone nightmare.

Unfortunately I can't go into great detail about any of these things, I just don't have the mental wherewithal to engage with you in the manner you deserve.  Even as I type this I'm thinking about a chair in the kitchen that I have been putting off repairing.  Some manual work would be more suited to my mind set right now.

I just wanted you to know that I'm back and business will resume as before.  Now I'm off to fix a chair.  Where the hell are my tools?


Pat Hatt said...

Damn, sounds like lots to say but so little time haha and a cat that eats toenails hahaha, at least it's only when you clip them and not well they are still on your toe haha

Padded Cell Princess said...

I would ask how your cat is getting to your toenail clippings but then again, I live with a man who often has a small pile on his night stand...and who says men can be trained!?!

Amy said...

Welcome back! I lived with someone who worked in police/emergency dispatch for years, it is very stressful. Glad it is only temporary!
Your vacation sounds dream-like.
I'm sure there must be some sort of mineral value to the nail clippings, your cat will likely now flourish!

D4 said...

Oh.. just a bit all over the place no? Lol, welcome back.

Choleesa said...

you were missed!

Tony Van Helsing said...

Pat: If I can teach er to bite them while still attached it will save me a job.

Princess: I cut them over the bath, she sits in the bath and eats them, the mucky little sod.

Amy:i thought about the mineral content then worried she was pregnant, but she's been neutered.

D4: all over the shop my friend.

Choleesa: thanks love.

Anonymous said...

Glad your back! I've missed your sarcasm my friend!

MRanthrope said...

Yeah I'm sure no Olympian would be caught dead at McDonald's! Stallones dredd was lame but I gotta love his classic delivery of "I Am the LAAAAAuuuawwww" haha

SkippyMom said...

We just got back from holiday too and I swear my mind is STILL in the countryside. The nice thing is we can go back this weekend after Pooldad gets off work and return Monday morning b/c he has late shift. And we can do it whenever we like. Thank god for generous inlaws - I'd go nutz looking at these walls all the time. hee

Your vacation sounds great in the snippets you shared, but what is up with the cat and HOW, sir, did you happen to discover this? Do you not clean up your clippings? And how often do you clip them anyway? giggle

Good luck with the chair. At least you will have a sense of accomplishment, right? [Okay, I tried. :D]

Janie Junebug said...

I missed you, dude! Sorry to hear the new gig is so stressful. Just say "mooooo" when you answer the telephone. We used to have a dog who ate all the nail clippings -- human clippings and the clippings from the other dogs. She was kind of a doggie vacuum cleaner. God, I miss her.

Janie Junebug

Jax said...

Your cat was eating your toenail clippings?? No..no...please don't talk about that!!! lol

Brigitta Huegel said...

Dear Tony,
welcome back! I like short glimpses of life - no need to write an essay each time. Seems your work is really exhausting - I always find manual work (or drawing, or pottering about) quite refreshing in such a situation.

YeamieWaffles said...

The job and the holiday both sound like interesting things my man, congratulations on both dude and it's great to see you back too.

Tony Van Helsing said...

Craziness: Now with new, improved sarcasm!

MRanthrope: He sounds like he is having a shit while saying that line.

Skippy: I stand with my foot on the edge of the bath so the clippings go in the tub. The cat sits in the bath and eats them as they land, the dirty little sod.

Janie: sorry about your dog, love. And I'm not answering phones, I'm on the radio directing coppers to jobs so mooing over the airwaves would be somewhat frowned upon.

Jax: Too late, it's out there.

Brigitta: I have never pottered in my life but I get what you mean.

Matthew: Good to see you too.

Elisa Hirsch said...

I love how you write. It's just like you're talking to us ;)
I hope you were able to fix the chair quickly.

Nicki Elson said...

Good luck with the chair. Your trip sounds lovely. And did you see the Pizza Hut commercial for the Crown Crust Pizza to celebrate the Jubilee? Here's the link in case you missed it:

Margaret said...

Well, the cat thing is gross. Let's just come right out and say that. But my dog eats cat poop, so who am I to judge.

Powdered Toast Man said...

I saw your cat gnawing on your hammer and you don't want to know about your vicegrips.

Juliette said...

I feel your pain.

Tony Van Helsing said...

Elisa: Thank you for that comment. And the chair is fine, just needed a couple of screws. Don't we all.

Nicki: I'm sure the Queen will enjoy it the next time she is in Pizza Hut.

Margaret: Dogs are muckier than cats.

PTM: You are a strange individual.

Juliette: No-one knows my pain.

altadenahiker said...

Yes, 90% of the Olympic athletes live a hand-to-mouth existence, yet the Olympic committee won't let them make a few bucks by endorsing unofficial products, ie. something other than a Big Mac. Sad.

Sorry about your job. There are many jobs I know I couldn't handle, and that's one of them. Air traffic controller is another.

Miranda Hardy said...

Yeah! Glad you're back. It sounds like you have a lot on your mind. Hope you found your tools. Lol

Anonymous said...

Oh lad

Anonymous said...

Oh lad

Kianwi said...

Hey, here's a crazy thought...how about you shut the bathroom door while you clip? Or is it a housework thing and it's easier to let the kitty clean it up? In that case...no, still shut the door!!

Tony Van Helsing said...

Alta: you never know what you can do until you try. You may surprise yourself.

Miranda: They were where I always leave them, in the cellar.

Vinnie: I know who you are.

Kianwi: She cries and tries to open it if I shut her out. It's heart breaking.

Al Penwasser said...

McDonalds and Coca-Cola...American companies.
I don't know about you, but that would really rub me the wrong way.
Unless the Chinese bought them.
Then that should rub the BOTH of us the wrong way.
As long as your nails are off your toes (hence the term, "clippings"), then the cat is probably okay.

Pearson Report said...

Hi Tony,

You made the right call - the chair first; gotta have a place to sit a spell while mulling over which of the many excellent options you put forth for your next few posts.

Me...personally, I'd like a little more on the chair...what was broke, how'd you fix it, what tools did you use...you know, the good stuff!! :P

Cheers, Jenny

Baiba1205 said...

LOL for the cat ;D and short random summaries are actually sometimes better than long stories :)

Bart said...

i wing all my posts, some mite consider it an art, others just see right past it and know im lazy