Tuesday, 19 February 2013

I'm Gonna Get Sued.

I was going to talk about how I have a whole new chapter in my life starting next week and am genuinely excited about it. I was even going to talk about how I am off work this week and being all middle aged about it by doing the small repairs around the home that I have been putting off for so long.

But instead of blathering on about how smug and cool I think I am I've decided to have a rant instead.

You can blame McDonald's for this change of tack. I've just watched a TV commercial in which a step father tries to bond with his new step son. Said step son doesn't want to know and slouches around in his hoody, mumbling incomprehensibly and generally behaving the way that all stroppy teenagers do.

But when step dad takes the surly little shit to McDonald's they suddenly bond over a Big Mac meal and a very weak joke. The tag line at the end of the advert states: We all have McDonald's in common'.

I'm starting to lose track of what McDonald's are all about. I thought they were a massive multi-national business spreading across the face of the Earth like a virus, destroying rainforests and local food cultures and small businesses in it's wake.

But I was wrong. It is in fact a benevolent, kindly, pipe smoking uncle that we can turn to for advice or when life gets us down. The next time I go into McDonald's I am going to ask the sixteen year old, minimum wage lad behind the counter how I should cope with the recent death of a much loved relative.
Then I will buy a burger because that is what McDonald's do.
They sell burgers.

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Horse Meat and Popes.

What's happening in the world today?  Let's have look.

The Catholic world is shocked as the Pope announces he is resigning.  Well the man is 85 years old so I don't really think it should be that much of a shock.  Why did they make a man in his 80's the Pope anyway, they should have chosen a younger model and that way they could have got a few more years of waving at big crowds out of him.

In the UK the horse meat scandal rumbles on and on. For those of you who haven't heard about this, tests have shown that many budget brands of processed ready meals that are supposed to contain beef have instead got a healthy dollop of horse flesh instead.
There are plenty of countries where horse meat is consumed regularly but over here this is a no no for some reason.
I ate horse in Italy a few years ago, it was a bit tough but quite a strong, beefy taste to it and I quite liked it.
I suppose the issue is that it is not labelled as horse but when people want to only pay £1.50 for a ready meal lasagne they should be thankful it isn't bloody rat meat. Never, ever eat ready meals.
If people want a lasagne they should make their own, it isn't hard. Get a cook book and follow the instructions, that's how I learned. Lazy bastards.

North Korea are playing with their nuclear missiles in what can only be described as a pissing contest. That country scares the shit out of me, watching news footage from North Korea takes me back the the Cold War with ranks of military officers standing in endless lines watching missile parading past. And everywhere there are huge pictures of that slimy looking, fat man-baby that is the new leader.
It looks like Orwell's 1984, scary shit.

Happy trails.