Saturday, 9 October 2010

Evil Feline

Cats, docile domesticated pets or evil furry little Hitlers bent on world domination? They sit around our houses eating and sleeping and acting all innocent.

However if they think no-one is around this behaviour changes.

My wife used to have a cat when she lived in a flat and one night got up to go to the toilet in the dark. While she was sat on the pot her cat came into the bathroom and didn't see her sat there in the dark.

The cat then jumped into the bath, squatted over the plughole and had a wee. When my wife spoke the cat looked around in shock, as though caught out.

As for myself, I used to have an early morning paper round when I was a kid that took me around a housing estate. The gardens used to have high wooden fences and gates so you couldn't see into the garden until you opened the gate.

One morning as I was approaching one garden I could hear a strange mewling sound, it sounded a little like the cat in the old 'Charlie says' public information films, (Youtube it and you'l see what I mean).

I pushed open the gate and was confronted with a number of cats all sat in the garden in a circle, the cat making the strange mewling noise was sat in the centre of this circle.

Everybody froze as the gate opened, I stood looking at them, they all turned to look at me. There was an awkward silence for about a second then the cats all starburst, shooting off in all directions leaving me looking at an empty yard.

Now I know I didn't imagine this but it did make me wonder what goes on at home when I am at work and the cats have got the house to themselves.

Having a catflap it probably means I have a house full of cats all sat in my living room, passing around a mouse and larging it on catnip.

Don't be fooled, they have a secret life that we don't play a part in. Watch your backs.

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

Dress your Age

I recently went to a Slayer gig and came away with a sore neck, ringing in my ears and a tour shirt.

The sad thing is when I got home and tried the shirt on I looked like a right knob. Clothes that I wore when I was younger now look ridiculous on me, as though I am desperately trying to remain young by wearing tshirts with bands on them.

It's like when you see someone who was famous years ago and they still have the same hairstyle they did when they were famous, it looks tragic.

So my future now contains shirts, tank tops and trousers with high, elasticated waists.

I can still wear my Slayer shirt but only when I am decorating the house.