Thursday, 8 March 2012

Van Helsing Must Die.



It's all change round our house right now.  I bought a new car on Monday, something I hate doing as all car sales men are oily reptiles who want to steal al of my money.  Come to think of it I've never seen a car sales woman.
Anyway, back to the point.  My job is also changing radically also but I'm not going to go into that as I don't like to discuss my work.  Not that my job is very mysterious, I just keep it at work and try not bring it home with me. These changes have also stopped me visiting other peoples blogs as much as I would like.

But the change that has got me thinking is this one.  I bought my first ever pair of glasses this week, I've been squinting at small print for about a year now and have finally admitted defeat and had my eyes tested, thus embracing middle age.
The lovely Melynda over at Crazy World will probably read this and tell me to be thankful I only need reading glasses but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.

In four years time I will be half a century old.  This just isn't fair, I feel about twenty.  All the cardio, weights, boot camps, hiking and running I do can't stop my body wearing out and the fact that my eye lenses are no longer as flexible as they were is the first indication of my inevitable decline.

My friend and I went to a Slayer gig recently and we looked like a couple of dads come to pick up their kids from the concert.  I bought a Slayer t-shirt from a tout outside but I only wear it when I'm painting the house, I don't want to be one of those blokes desperately trying to hold onto their youth.

Mind you,I don't want to be an old bloke either but I don't have any choice in the matter.

When I was a kid we had a black and white telly.  There were only three channels back then, BBC1, BBC2 and ITV.  There were no daytime programmes, just a test card. The programmes started at three in the afternoon and finished at midnight.
No-one had mobile phones, games consoles or computers.  In fact the only person on our street who had a phone was Mrs Ambler.  I remember if my dad needed to make a call we would all troop over to her house to watch him, it was like a day out. The world today is unrecognisable in comparison.

Look at that last paragraph, I even sound like an old fart, blathering on about what it was like in my day and insinuating that kids today don't know how lucky they are.

So I have to accept that I can't hang onto my youth anymore and every second takes me closer to the grave.  Bollocks.

36 comments:

Cranky and Difficult said...

>>Come to think of it I've never seen a car sales woman.

I'm told that just like the mythical dwarves of Middle Earth, they look identical to the males of the species, so you may have seen on, but not known it.

Al Penwasser said...

When I got my first pair of bifocals, I was told they made everything bigger.
I had to be pried away from the urinal.
They really should have car salesWOMEN. They could sell me an orange crate on wheels. With rustproofing.

Miranda Hardy said...

I'm not too far behind. Dang it.

dirtycowgirl said...

I feel your pain Tony, I really do. And I already hit the half century in January.

I still like to go raving though, even if I'm home by 1am and need a week to recover.

Be warned too, once you start wearing glasses your eyes get worse. I've had mine for about 8 years now so just trust me on that.
It's as if your eyes go fuck it we don't have to even bother trying now.

This made me feel nostalgic - Mrs Arnold had the phone on our street, and I remember getting the new (but still black and white tv) that had three channels.
Although we never got to watch BBC2 as Mum thought it was full of filth.

Something to do with Caligula....

Jax said...

I love Melynda! And she probably would tell you just to enjoy what you got ;)

I hear you on the glasses though. I have such bad vision that I would bang into a bright red wall if it was right in front of me. Thank god for contacts...hahaha

Jordan said...

If all of the working out can't keep you young, at least it can extend your life. My dad is 76 and still does construction work every day, because he loves it and it keeps him young. I'm not talking building chairs in the basement, I mean cranes, concrete, large machinery, the whole bit. So there is a bright side to that, being old for a LONG time. Also, women just don't have it in them to be that disgusting and slimy, which is why we sell jewelry and not cars.

duffboi said...

On glasses: I hope they don't make your eyes worse with time. I've been wearing em for what 3-4 years now? *sigh*

Janie Junebug said...

Boo fuckin' hoo, you old fart. You're younger than I am. I haven't been able to see worth a damn since I was six years old. My back is broken and my husband dumped me. You don't got nothin' to complain about if you can buy a car. I have a used '98.

Much love,
Janie

YeamieWaffles said...

Wow, amazing stuff mate... From your comments and blog posts I always assumed for some reason you were somebody only slightly older than me so this came as a huge surprise to me! Remember that age is only a number and all of that positive stuff buddy. It's about how the mind and body feels, not about the number of years on this earth!

Baur said...

My vision is starting to go bad too! I need to spend less time on the computer!

Terri said...

In Arkansas, U.S., they have a quaint expression for what you expressed in this post, "You're such a titty baby." Self explanatory I think. If not, email me and I'll try to explain it for you. :)

Pat Hatt said...

LOL sorry but yes you sound like an old fart with that last paragraph..haha...but glasses aren't the end of the world. I guess as much as youth makes fun, we'll all get there and get our due. But at least you can say "I'm to old for this sh**" and mean it..haha

Katsidhe said...

Well if it's any consolation you look quite stellar in glasses, T!

I'm not sure how I'll feel when I have some age defining even like getting bifocals (already wear contacts) but when people ask my age I just tell them that I'm of an age of being fucking awesome. I'm gonna vote that you do the same.~

Zyu said...

Ah a new car is always awesome!

Violet said...

new car odor trumps old fart anyday

Baiba1205 said...

LOL! ;D sorry but it's funny for me ;D

however, I don't think you have to act old if you don't feel like it. My dad is 45 and he is living his life! he plays sports and do everything he likes. He says he's in his best years and he loves it :)

age is just a number ;)

Come At Me Bro said...

This is great!

Movies on my Mind said...

I chhose not to drive and just walk everywhere. It's cheaper too.

Amy said...

First of all, you do NOT look your age. Second, the ciliary muscles in the eye begin to lose their elasticity for most people around the age of 40. I have been wearing bifocals since I turned 36-you actually "got away with one" by not having it happen until now.
Second of all, glasses rock, you look 30-something, and you can still rock the Slayer shirt. It's all about confidence.

Padded Cell Princess said...

Don't feel old about the glasses. My husband just caved and finally got his first pair and he's just turning 25 this year...half your age! Oh wait, that probably doesn't help... ;)

The Angry Lurker said...

Join the old farts club my friend, the glasses were my last straw and I wept when I could see longer than 10 feet.....

Belle said...

I'll be 62 soon, but I don't feel that old either. I've even gone to a few rock concerts over the last 5 years. We don't have to give up our love of Rock do we?!

Britta said...

Dear Tony,
as I never read the comments written before me it is possible that I repeat what everybody else above said: I answer with another song (cause you quotes 'It's my party'): "You are not alone" - oh, haha - that is a German song, really schmalzig: "Du bist nicht allein". But let's make most of the party, won't we?

My 2 Pesos said...

I'm just 23, but I already feel the same than you. :/

jamiessmiles said...

I am trying to picture a world with 3 channels and television programming not starting until 3. Shit, I've had a cell since I was 10.

Tony Van Helsing said...

Blimey, I've left it too long to respond to all of the comments individually so I will just say this. Amy and Katsidhe, thank you for making me feel sexy. Janie and Terri, I am a whiny little puff and should appreciate the life I have. Titty baby sums this post up. I shall endeavour to give you people the post you deserve next time.

[AguiLeon] said...

congrats you have a new car

Baur said...

Congrats on a new car!

Jilda said...

I'll be 60 soon, and will be grateful to make it. I wear one contact, mono vision and I can read newsprint! I love your posts, I think we should all forget our ages, and live our lives. Thanks for always writing such an entertaining blog.

Adam said...

Huh I haven't seen a car saleswoman either at least at a legitimate car place.

Heaven. said...

Hmm, I haven't ever seen a car sales lady either.

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

I went hiking by myself the other day. It got to a part where a bunch of people stood around, scared to continue up the ice. I went for it though, feeling tough and brave. Then some kid--who must have been fifteen--said to his girlfriend, "If that old lady can do it, so can we. She isn't even complaining."
So, I was a bit pissed, and as soon as I made it up and down the hike faster than those "pansy kids," I called my mom. "A hiker called me old," I said.
"Well, you're not old. Just twice his age, and you could be his mother if you had a baby in high school. But you aren't old."
"Thanks, Mom," I said. "Thanks."
Anyway, this was a timely post for me. I think as long as we're still hiking and kickin' all the young kids' butts, that's what really matters--honestly lol Heck, those kids got schooled by an "old lady." Can't get much better than that!

Joshua said...

I'll prefer to go out in a blaze of glory.

Joshua said...

And maybe I'll finish my comment.

Although, blazing for a while (not in the pot smoking way) and then fading out doesn't seem so bad, as long as I have food and video games.

Nicki Elson said...

I have a pair of leopard-print-frame reading glasses waiting in the wings for when I need them. I hope I need them before leopard print is only for old farts.

Craziness abounds said...

I totally love your face! I was just thinking about you yesterday. Then you come visit. Which is, by the way the one way I can find peoples blogs (if they leave a message I can click on it and it takes me to their links.) I will not tell you to suck it up. It sucks losing your sight! The funny thing is I no longer have to wear glasses. haha They don't help either! Have a great day Tony and don't wait to long to visit again..