Friday, 10 May 2013

Fanny Magnet.



The first time I was in America I lost count of the number of times  people asked me if I had ever seen the Queen of England or if I lived in London. It soon became apparent that many Americans don't know anything about my country other than the fact that we have a Royal Family who live in London.

I tried telling them that I lived in the north of England and not in the south where London is but this was met with blank looks and people saying 'Huh'?
Americans don't care about mushy peas, cobbled streets, coal mining villages, bleak moorlands or grinding poverty.  They want to see the Queen wearing a crown with so many jewels in it that  even the most blinged-up gangster rapper would consider a bit ostentatious.

So in a blatant piece of band wagon jumping I am going to talk about Royalty in a bid to attract more American readers because I am a shameless hussy.

Prince Harry has been visiting America recently and the streets of Washington are lined with women taking pictures on their mobiles and getting damp around the gusset area at the thought of his royal gingerness.

Harry is great, he fights the Taliban in Afghanistan and plays strip poker in Las Vegas hotels. When Prince William got married Harry looked and acted like a normal bloke at his brothers wedding, whispering 'She's gorgeous' to the groom as Kate walked down the aisle. It isn't hard to imagine him dancing and flirting with the bridesmaids at the reception, jacket off and pint in hand.

When he met Usein Bolt and challenged him to a race he distracted Bolt by getting him to look at something then sprinting down the track while his back was turned leaving Bolt to run after him laughing.

Prince Harry comes across as one of the lads. He is enormously rich and a member of the British Royal Family but he is also a squaddie and enjoys the camaraderie of Army life and isn't afraid to muck in with the rest of his comrades.  They take the piss out of him good naturedly and he takes the piss right back.

Women all over the world fancy him and men can't help but like him.  He fucks up now and again but so do the rest of us and this helps us to relate to him in a way that the rest of the Royal Family don't.  He doesn't have the same aloofness and stiff manners that his family display and you know that if you met him you would probably feel more at ease than if you met his grandma.

I once saw his dad, Prince Charles at the Great Yorkshire Show as he judged a sheep shearing competition. He seemed okay and was a lot shorter than I was expecting.

So there you are my American friends, I have met Royalty and talked about Prince Harry. All the things about England that you guys love.  Now go away and by some Union Jack tea towels.




18 comments:

Rob Z Tobor said...

I have never worked out if it is best to have Royals or not to have Royals, the obvious solution would be to make me Emperor. However I am having problems with the masses who say I have a rubbish wave and am too scruffy.

Damn fickle general public.

Lisa Shafer said...

Actually, as an American living in Scotland, I was surprised at how many people living in the UK had seen/do see royalty and/or famous government figures much more often than does the average American. I've never been in even the same area as a US President -- or even the governor of my own state. But I've been within 20 feet of the Queen and was at an event wherein a surprise visitor was Gordon Brown (while he was PM). And none of the locals thought either occasion was a big deal. (OK, it's SCOTLAND. The locals aren't as big on royalty there.) Oh, and I saw the First Minister of Scotland about 10 times.
Anyway, I suppose it does seem that Americans are obsessed with the post card version of the UK, but I still thought it worth noting to you how surprised I was to find that important figures were so very much more accessible in a smaller country.

Miranda Hardy said...

I'm not impressed with royalty or celebrities. I actually lump them together. I guess I'm not the typical American.

I can see the appeal of Harry, though, and how many can relate to him better.

Pat Hatt said...

I think royalty and pompous celebrities are a crock, but yeah american's don't know much out side their own country and even that is stretching it, after all they quote reality tv..lol..most americans that is, some good ones.

Janie Junebug said...

Many years ago, a younger member of my family was on a high school trip to England. In Harrod's (did I spell that correctly?), the kids saw Prince Charles being fitted for a suit. Princess Diana was with him. The students started to approach and were stopped by security guards. I also met a woman who said she went to London and saw the Queen sail past in her car, bejewelled and waving. Then the woman went in a shop and told the shopkeeper that she had just seen the Queen. The shopkeeper said, I've lived here my entire life and I've never seen the Queen. So you don't circulate with royalty, and I've never seen President Obama in person. But The Hurricane has.

Love,
Janie

Amy said...

Actually, thanks to Michael Moore, we are aware of the free health care and schooling. And thanks to your buddy Piers Morgan, we know about the effective gun control that has been implemented there to fantastic result. Makes us look like idiots that we can't take care of our own citizens over here. And you're right, if there is any news at all about England, it is usually some fluff piece about royalty, and most American's only care about touristy matters.

Crystal Collier said...

LOL! To soften the blow, most Americans can't even name all the states in America--or if they can, they can't place them all on a map. =) (Granted, there are 50...) Regardless, I don't think you'll meet a writer in America who doesn't understand the difference from the North and South of England. It's the TV-brainwashed generations you have to fear...and I do. Immensely. ;)

Paige Kellerman said...

I'd still be a blog fan no matter what, but I do appreciate the solid campaign for Harry you've set up here. Although, when I was a teen, William was my favorite.

Is he the topic of your next post? Let's turn this into a series...:)

YeamieWaffles said...

I'm with you on the American thing in relation to their level of care about English things, they think that everything is great because we have a queen which is pretty silly. Cool story about Harry, I like the guy although I don't see him ever being king, at least for a long time.

Francis Lee said...

I must admit I do like the royal git!

Kianwi said...

If I ever do get to England (which is on my top ten places to visit!) I can guarantee I would not spend much time in London. I'm much more of a countryside kind of gal, and definitely not fancy schmancy. But, having said that, I have to admit I definitely like Prince Harry. And I think it's exactly why you said...because he seems the most down to earth and, well, fun! Plus, he is pretty cute :)

MRanthrope said...

I apologize for my ignorant countrymen.

It seems us damn colonials never pay much attention to anything these days. I for one respect our former tax levying oppressors for all the great things they've contributed to the Western World:

The Magna Carta.
Iron Maiden.
Prince Harry.

The list goes on and on.

altadenahiker said...

You London fellers are so touchy; must be the weather. Have you seen Maggie Smith?

Emmy said...

What? There are actually places outside London? Are you close to Hogwarts?

Al Penwasser said...

And he looks a helluva lot better than Prince Charles.

Al Penwasser said...

Oh, one more thing. When I saw the title of this post, "Fanny Magnet" (as opposed to "Chick Magnet"), I thought you were going to "out" the prince.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Tony Van Helsing said...

Al: We don't say chicks over here, fanny means lady bits.

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