Friday, 4 January 2013

Drop and Give me Twenty.

It's a whole new year and the world hasn't ended yet, isn't life grand?  With the new year brings all the weight loss TV shows and  fitness DVD's with various celebrities donning lycra and jumping up and down while shouting us into better health.

My favourite is The Biggest Loser USA. We are a season behind the US over here and I think this is season 11 but I don't care, it's great.  I've watched the British and Australian versions of the show but they can't match the US show.  Bigger budget, better production values, total commitment from the contestants and the trainers make it essential viewing. And being America there is loads of crying.

Over here we have the Hairy Bikers Dieting show.  These are two Geordie blokes who have had a cooking show on TV for years.  They drove up and down the country on motorbikes and where ever they stopped they would cook up some local food. Unfortunately this combination of loads of food and sitting on their arses on motorbikes has made them both fat.

After their wives pointed out that they were taking blood pressure tablets which were just helping them to maintain a lifestyle that had got them into this poor shape in the first place, they decided to join a weight loss group and make healthy food as tasty as possible.

Anyway, my contribution to the new year fitness festivities is to enter the Pain Barrier race.  This is a 10km run through woodland which includes such obstacles as cargo nets, trenches full of chest-deep mud, concrete tunnels half full of freezing water that have to be crawled through and people firing paint balls at the racers.

The fun all happens at the beginning of March so I have two months to get my shit together.  See you in the pain zone.


Pat Hatt said...

Damn that is going to be rough, taking a stray paintball to the back would surely sting, good luck.

Azara said...

Now that's hard core. Is this kind of thing a normal part of your routine, or is this your first time to the pain zone?

"Being America there is loads of crying" - BWAHAHA!! I can make fun because I'm Canadian and we like to think of ourselves as honorary British, despite a disturbing resemblance to our southern neighbours.

Workingdan said...

Sounds like hell! But I guess this is why people are skinny in hell!

Good luck!

There's no crying in America. Just a whole lot of whining and bitching...and things getting stuck in our eyes!

bobo said...

whoah, the race sounds awesome and terrifying at the same time. good luck!

Tony Van Helsing said...

Pat: I've never been paintballing so being shot will be a new experience.

Azara: I do plenty of gym work, some running and hiking but never been on one of these assault courses before. And my dad goes to Canada quite a bit. He is ex Royal Navy and visits Canadian Naval veterans over there. He loves it.

Workingdan: Great answer. I got something in my eye watching War Horse.

Bob: I am a bit worried about, I admit.

Al Penwasser said...

In the U.S., we have something almost identical to the Pain Barrier. It's called the 'Tough Mudder.' I never have and never will compete, but I did go to one once. Mud, running, log carrying, walking through electrically charged wires, and a lot of crying.
You know, you're right.

Jimmy Fungus said...

I kind of like reality television, as long as I have nothing better to do, and I usually don't. It is both humbling and sobering to hear that American reality television is in some cases the cream of the reality crop. But then again, that's what you would expect from the home of the Jerry Springer Show, isn't it?

Janie Junebug said...

Do we cry a lot? Waaaaaaaa. Someone told me that the British are pissed off all the time. The Hurricane says The British do everything so slowly that at Cambridge University they take all the important papers, put them in bottles, and float them down the River Cam.


level85nerd said...

10km run? Even though woodland? Phew, not for me buddy

YeamieWaffles said...

All these weight loss programmes are quite entertaining but can be annoying at the same time. The worst though in my eyes are these celebrities who deliberately get fat then lose weight before Christmas in order to get a DVD produced, it's just tacky. Best of luck getting ready for this run dude. I have full faith in you being able to not only to complete it but to complete it with the easiest of ease, good luck with this mate.

altadenahiker said...

You're going to run a 10K while getting physically abused? I think I'm going to cry.

Miranda Hardy said...

Sounds like that would be more entertaining to watch then the weight loss reality shows. I'm not a big fan of them and I live in the US. Then again, I'm not too emotional either.

DWei said...

See, something like that is quality television. Education and probably funny.

I'm tired of the muck that the Americans send up north.

Rob Z Tobor said...

Good luck with that race its sounds mad to me, I have gone into shock and am eating sausage rolls to recover. I will stick with some simple DIY instead.

Brigitta Huegel said...

Wow - your project sounds - refreshing... You have time to do training, and as a policeman and climber I think you are fit even now - but it sounds like hard work. I wish you stamina!

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

My wife is really into our (U.S.) version of The Biggest Loser, but I try to dive under a chair whenever just a commercial for the show comes on. Of course, I am much too large to actually make it under any of our chairs, but one must applaud my efforts--even if I am the only one!

Tony Van Helsing said...

Al: Electrical wires? Yikes.

Jimmy: Jeremy Kyle Show is better that Springer. Although Springer is the grandaddy.

Janie: You are correct, we are angry and slow. It's the weather.

Level85: Get yourself out there.

Matthew: Thanks for the faith my friend.

Alta: You make it sound kinky.

Miranda: I've watched a couple of similar races. It certainly is entertaining.

DWei: Muck up north, I like it.

Rob: Save me a sausage roll.

Brigitta: Thank you for the stamina.

Jerry: You need a bigger chair.

Juliette said...

Blimey, good luck with that. As for the hairy bikers, they've lost quite a bit haven't they! Saw them on telly making a bowl shoaed wrap full of chilli the other night and it looked rather tasty for diet food.

Azra said...

Good Luck with the Race Tony! And most of us are on that pain bandwagon, so you're not alone :)

Craziness abounds said...

Hello friend!
I'm back as you know. Thanks for stopping by. You are right the Biggest Loser is a huge, no pun intended, thing over here. I think your biker show sounds interesting personally. To answer your question, yes this year is def going to be better and it will be great. Thanks for staying with me through it all.

Stephanie D said...

Just popping in to say Happy New Year! And after reading this, I also want to wish you good luck in your paining...I mean training. :)

Bart said...

i am so glad i dont watch tv. those shows sounds terrible. i however need to look about 20lbs though

Bart said...


Tony Van Helsing said...

Juliette: About 3 stone each I think.

Azra: We know we love it.

Steph: thanks love, Happy New Year to you too.

Bart: If you need to lose 20lbs then let the title of this post be your guide.

SkippyMom said...

I used to love the "Biggest Loser" but had to stop watching it because I always felt so bad everytime they had to vote someone off. I mean, come on, the show is about helping and inspiring, supporting people in the quest to lose weight. I realize it's a contest, but to vote them off just seemed cruel to me. I get the whole idea behind the show, but it's as tho' they couldn't hack it and "don't let the door hit you in you wideload" on the way out" was an added degradation to their already low self esteem.

Anyhoodle - what on God's green earth has possessed you to undertake a fitness race with the word "pain" in it" Are you a glutton for punishment that you have to be shot at to feel like you succeeded? I say this all with the utmost jest and also caring because, well....Tony, have you lost your mind? giggle It sounds horrific, but I can certainly imagine that when you complete it you would absolutely feel quite a sense of accomplishment, that is only made better by the conditions you endured.

To tell you the truth, I am really impressed. And a wee bit jealous. As horrific as it sounds, in some perverse way is sounds like a blast. Who doesn't want to crawl through mud and get shot at with paint balls? Seriously, it's like playing cops and robbers growing up, with the race participants being the escaped cons. ::grin::

Have fun and please, please, please make sure your lovely better half takes lots of pics for you to share. okay?