Thursday, 29 November 2012
Vampires. Woohahaha! (Again)
I must apologise as I have not been anywhere near Blogger, Twitter or Facebook for about two weeks as I have been doing other shit.
I won't go into what it is other than it is work related and therefore annoying.
Just to fill the time until next week when I get a decent chance to sit down and write properly, here is a cheaty re-post.
May God forgive me.
Whatever happened to vampires? When I was a kid they were always middle aged men dressed like they were off to the opera, or attractive women in flimsy nighties with big cleavages.
They lived in dark castles in Transylvania and scared the shit out of the locals.
You knew where you were with vampires back then, they were the baddies.
These days I don't know whether I'm supposed to ram a stake through them or offer them counselling for their hemoglobin addiction and daylight phobia. If Twilight is anything to go by then vampires are all mopey Emo kids with Garnier Fructis hair.
Speaking of their appearance, if vampires can't see their reflection then why are they always the most fashion concious of the monsters?
Werewolves buy cheap clothes because they know they'll just get ripped when they change, Frankenstein's Monster has been wearing the same matching black jacket, polo neck and enormous boot combination for years and zombies stumble around like drunks and have given up on personal hygiene.
If vampires can't see their reflection then why aren't their shirts buttoned up wonky and why don't they have messy, just-got-out-of-coffin hair?
Anyway, if True Blood and Twilight are anything to go by vampires are no longer the baddies, they are multi-layered, misunderstood individuals who will soon no doubt be classed as disabled and given parking spaces near to building entrances so they don't have to worry about been exposed to daylight for too long in car parks.
As long as they show remorse after ripping our throats out then we will probably forgive them.
And don't get me started on them being a sexual metaphor invented by repressed Victorians.
My name is Van Helsing so I may be a bit biased.