Thursday, 19 May 2011

The End of the World



According to several bloggers the world is going to end this Saturday. To celebrate here is a repost looking at the ways Hollywood thinks we will cark it.

Moonraker.

James Bond jumps onto the Star Wars bandwagon when tubby Frenchman with evil beard Hugo Drax plans to flood the Earth with nerve gas while he floats about in a space station talking in a montone voice.
His plan to repopulate the Earth in his own image ends in tears when Roger Moore and some space Marines arrive in a shuttle and smash everything up. I didn't even know America had a space army.

Mad Max

Petrol runs out and everybody goes to war, leaving the survivors to eat dog food in the Australian desert.
Everyone drives about in stock cars looking for petrol and nobody seems to have considered alternative forms of transport. The baddies dress in leather bondage gear while the goodies dress in cricket pads.
All apart from Tina Turner who wears a dress made out of pan scrubs and is town mayor.

I Am Legend

Wander around an empty New York City in the company of Will Smith and his doggy. Play golf on an aircraft carrier and talk to a shop dummy while picking up a film at a deserted Blockbuster. You'd be better off reading the book for a better ending (the mutants are now normal society and he is the monster). Best bit of the film is Will singing to his dog.

Zombies

A band of people trying to survive an apocalypse of zombies. To be honest I don't know why they bother.
The first thing I'll do when the zombies turn up is to get bitten so I can become one.
Then I can shuffle about all day looking like a drunk, not worrying about going to work or personal hygiene and moaning. A bit like living in South Leeds.

The Road

Father and son wander across a burned Earth where nothing grows and all animal life has died. The few survivors stumble through the wasteland looking for whatever they can eat, including each other. The book is brilliant but as bleak as a rain-swept Yorkshire moor in winter and more depressing than a boxful of dying puppies.

So there we are, lots to look forward to on Saturday. See you at the end of the world.

18 comments:

Jesse Crows said...

that lady is hot

Tony Van Helsing said...

Jesse: I'm talking about the end of the world and you are slavering over Tina Turner?

Al3xaG said...

So why is the world going to end this saturday o_O I need to get supplies!

Poetry of the Day said...

oh shit, totally forgot man. gotta do some fappin tomorrow.
Fairy Land by William Shakespeare

Mollie said...

BONG! I AM #100!

Excellent movie selection. I very much enjoy Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead for my zombiepocalypse genre.

J.B. said...

I'm already waiting for the zombies, yay!

Tony Van Helsing said...

Al3xag: Tinned goods only.

Poetry: I have no idea how it's going to end. It hasn't been on the news.

Mollie: Congrats on being my 100th and thank you. Zombieland is class.

J.B. If you can't beat 'em join 'em.

altadenahiker said...

To show my utter faith that life as we know it will continue, I washed the dog today.

Lindsay N. Currie said...

LOL I'm with you on the zombies. I want to be bitten immediately folks. If you can't beat em - join em:)

Tony Van Helsing said...

Alta: I bet the dog had been hoping for the end of the world. My dog always hid under the shed when I got her bath out.

Lindsay: Braaaainsss!

Colin Biano said...

>A bit like living in South Leeds.

oh, you!
i have the sudden urge to visit south leeds and go on a zombie killing rampage
it will look completely normal

Moobeat said...

I actually really enjoyed i am legend

Susan Fields said...

I saw the movie I am Legend but didn't read the book. The book's ending sounds really good - they should have used that in the movie.

Al Penwasser said...

It's really sad that I know Tina Turner's character is named "Auntie Entity."
Who rules Bartertown?

OatmealStout said...

I Am Legend was ok.

Sarah said...

I didn't realise that I am Legend was a book first? I feel like such a traitor :( Nice post, but guess we'll have to wait till 2012 for the end of the world. yeha!

Reilly said...

great movies!

Scrubby Bear said...

This movie was great.