Tuesday, 19 February 2013

I'm Gonna Get Sued.

I was going to talk about how I have a whole new chapter in my life starting next week and am genuinely excited about it. I was even going to talk about how I am off work this week and being all middle aged about it by doing the small repairs around the home that I have been putting off for so long.

But instead of blathering on about how smug and cool I think I am I've decided to have a rant instead.

You can blame McDonald's for this change of tack. I've just watched a TV commercial in which a step father tries to bond with his new step son. Said step son doesn't want to know and slouches around in his hoody, mumbling incomprehensibly and generally behaving the way that all stroppy teenagers do.

But when step dad takes the surly little shit to McDonald's they suddenly bond over a Big Mac meal and a very weak joke. The tag line at the end of the advert states: We all have McDonald's in common'.

I'm starting to lose track of what McDonald's are all about. I thought they were a massive multi-national business spreading across the face of the Earth like a virus, destroying rainforests and local food cultures and small businesses in it's wake.

But I was wrong. It is in fact a benevolent, kindly, pipe smoking uncle that we can turn to for advice or when life gets us down. The next time I go into McDonald's I am going to ask the sixteen year old, minimum wage lad behind the counter how I should cope with the recent death of a much loved relative.
Then I will buy a burger because that is what McDonald's do.
They sell burgers.


Miranda Hardy said...

I'm so glad I don't watch tv any longer. The commercials would bug the heck out of me.

Pat Hatt said...

haha glad I never saw that commercial. But maybe the burger was a shrink in another life, you think?

Padded Cell Princess said...

Unless we all have heart disease, high blood pressure, and obesity in common, then no, we don't all have McDonalds in common. And the only relationships I've ever seen blossoming there are not something you want to advertise...but they'd be good on Jerry Springer!

altadenahiker said...

They're "a massive multi-national business spreading across the face of the Earth like a virus, destroying rainforests and local food cultures and small businesses in it's wake" that cares.

Rob Z Tobor said...

I have been a McDonald's but it is a very long time again and I did not like it, for one thing the place was full of teenage hoodies, mumbling incomprehensibly and generally being stroppy teenagers, and that was just the staff....

Kelly Polark said...

I don't love commercials. But I'm a junk food addict and love McDonald's food. I'm serious! Sigh.
But I don't think people can blame McD's for obesity. People need to learn self control for themselves and their children. Get a small fries and regular cheeseburger. Don't take your kids there more than a couple times a month. Simple as that.

Kianwi said...

You didn't know that McDonalds has gotten into the counseling business??

jamiessmiles said...

I worked at those lovely Golden Arches last summer. I saved three marriages, helped an absentee father reconnect with his daughter, settled a family visitation case, and switched the last dentist so now all 5 are recommending trident. All of course done with a minimum wage rate if pay, and a "free smile". I'm pretty sure hell was originally wrapped in a McDonald's wrapper.

Al Penwasser said...

"I'm starting to lose track of what McDonald's are all about. I thought they were a massive multi-national business spreading across the face of the Earth like a virus, destroying rainforests and local food cultures and small businesses in it's wake."
No, I think you mean Walmart.
Come to think of it, this fits McDonalds, too.
Me? I go to Wendy's. And not just because that frikkin' clown skeeves me.

Janie Junebug said...

Thank God I have a DVR. I haven't watched a commercial in years. And I don't remember the last time I was in a McDonald's, but whenever it was I thought they should change the name to McGreasy's.


Bart said...

small mom/pop shops make the best burgers

Amy said...

Two Movies: Supersize Me and Fast Food Nation. Makes one never want another burger, especially not one from McDonald's.

Amy said...

Two Movies: Supersize Me and Fast Food Nation. Makes one never want another burger, especially not one from McDonald's.

Margaret said...

They also sell fries. And apparently in a francs you can get a Camembert burger.

Francis Lee said...

I'm delighted to know that I wasn't the only one that ad pissed off, it's retarded!

YeamieWaffles said...

I need to check this advert out man, it sounds so cringey and I'm guessing since we're both from the United Kingdom it'll be on over here too. Next time there's a family dispute or somebody's mad at somebody I'm just going to send them off to Uncle McDonalds, who, if they are really an uncle are that kind of sleazy uncle smoking a pipe of something that smells suspiciously like pot.

Samantha Vérant said...

Oh. My. God. I can't stand eating at McDonald's-- unfortunately my two step-kids think it's the best restaurant in the world. Um, we live in France. Surely, there are better options. Damn Mac Do! Damn them!!!

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

It's about time you came around. If they still served the same apple and cherry pies as they did 20 years(?) ago, you would be soon wondering why there is such a fascination with futbol and calling potato chips potato chips instead of crisps!

Juliette said...

Apparently, if you ask for a receipt after ordering MacDonalds, they think you are a mystery shopper. They then proceed to scurry around cleaning up and asking patrons if "Everything is alright" At this point you could say "No, I'm in need of some counselling"

Pk Hrezo said...

lol.. you really should. I can't remember what age it was when I realized the genius (or should I say manipulation) behind marketing, but I was "on to them" from that point on.

Dana said...

I've never seen that ad. How stupid!

Vapid Vixen said...

Ew. They can't possibly think people buy into that kind of bonding drivel? Can't even remember the last time I ate at McDonald's but now? Now I want to scarf down some of those heavenly fries with a quarter pounder and coke.
Only I know I'll wish for death afterwards. And death blows.

Baiba1205 said...

Lol. Now I'll know where to go the next time I have a problem :D

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SkippyMom said...

Sometimes I think the ad people who think up these advertisements are into the ganga because otherwise how would they even begin to think that kind of tripe is a good idea. Whooboy.

Now I especially want to stay out of McDonald's. I can't stand how their food makes me feel anyway. Now I have the adverts to make me nauseous too? Oh joy. Skippy-1 McD's -0

SkippyMom said...

I just reread the comments and I just have to say brilliant. Boy, that was one cleansing laugh.

You have a funny bunch of friends Tony. Thanks for sharing. [Of course they're funny - all the cool kids want to hang with the King Cool kid, right?]


Katsidhe said...

We are united by our goal of having triple coronary artery bypass surgery some day.

I just found another reason to stay away from Micky D's because like hell will I bond with people!

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I just saw a crazy McDonald's commercial too -- this kid finds a penny and picks it up, and right after that he gets clocked in the head with a basketball or something & has to go to the ER. Then his mom or dad or whoever takes him to McDonald's, and on his way out, the kid has a thought and turns around to put the penny in the box for the Ronald McDonald House kids. Seems like a pretty shitty thing to do, giving that bad penny to the sick kids, doesn't it? I'm sure I must've missed the point to that commercial. Either way, McDonald's needs to fire their ad people.

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