Wednesday, 12 December 2012
Pretention, from TVH.
Christmas is on the way and we all know what that means. Yes, it's the season for incomprehensible TV adverts trying to sell us perfume.
Look, there's a black and white Brad Pitt still in his surfer dude phase and looking bit Jesusy. What is he talking about? Some sort of New Age blather about journeys and dreams that doesn't make any sense. Then we see a bottle of Chanel and we realise he is flogging perfume to us stinking proles.
Next here comes Alexander Skaarsgard driving his car (also in black and white) up a cliff in a rainstorm to visit a skinny lass who lives in what looks like a grain silo. Is he advertising tyres that give good grip in bad weather? No. this is for Calvin Klein's latest bottle of chemicals to mask your fetid odour.
Jean Paul Gaultier gives us a (black and white) dinner party being held by a load of fetishistic, gothy looking people who I can't quite tell which are male and female. They are shrieking like opera singers and laughing like lunatics and to be honest the whole party looks so uncomfortable and alarming that instead of wanting to buy his perfume I am having nightmares about Jean Paul Gaultier inviting me over for dinner.
So perfume ads are generally filmed in black and white and try to be enigmatic French mini-movies. No doubt this is because they are designed by people in the fashion industry and as everyone knows, people in the fashion industry are pillocks.
Perfume exists to hide body odour and I am lucky enough to have hot and cold running water therefore I shower everyday, stick a bit of deodorant around my sweaty bits and am good to go. I don't need to spend sixty quid on a bottle of obscure ingredients sold to me by a black and white Ryan Reynolds with his shirt unbuttoned.
So now you know what NOT to get me for Christmas.