Friday, 3 June 2011

Mopey Cole

The most tragic person in the world is Cheryl Cole. She must be because the British tabloid press have given acres of coverage to the fact that she has been sacked from the American version of X Factor.

This is not the only time that the British media have obssessed over Cole's trials and tribulations.

She blubbed her way through an hour long interview over her failed marriage to Premiership footballer and alleged cockateer Ashley Cole on Piers Morgans Life Stories, a bland-a-thon celebrity jabber show where the eponymous, toffee-faced posho 'interviews' a collection of his celebrity mates in front of an audience of silent and star-struck peasants.

From the way she dabbed her tear filled, mascara'd eyes you'd have thought this was the end of the greatest romance the world had ever known instead of just another showbiz marriage where one of the parties had succumbed to temptation.

I'm not saying that she shouldn't be upset over the marriage failure or when things go wrong with her career but this Queen of Tragedy label is a bit melodramatic.

Her hunger for fame has helped her win a talent competition and she has allowed herself to be moulded into an effective money producing unit by Simon Cowell. This elevation by the media into 'The Nation's Sweetheart' is all part of the money machine.

Being portrayed as a tragic victim that we should feel sorry for is laughable. Her life is not a mess. She has pursued what she wanted and achieved it. She will live comfortably for the rest of her life and need never work again.

Now THIS is tragedy: I was at work recently when a call was received from an elderly lady saying that her neighbour had come into her bedroom through her wardrobe.

She told me her husband had died ten years ago and she had lost touch with her family and had lived alone for years. She had no-one left in her life and was becoming convinced that the man who lived next door was 'up to no good' and was trying to get into her house. It soon became apparent that she was suffering with dementia and was seeing things that were not there.

She asked me to sit down and she would make me a cup of tea. Sadly I could not accept this as we were talking on the phone and had never met. Her dementia was making her believe I was in the room with her.

So here is a question, who do you feel the most sympathy for: a pampered, multi-millionaire musician who has spent the last couple of years as judge over the hopes of deluded karaoke singers: or a sad, lonely old lady sliding inexorably into dementia with no-one left in her life to witness this apart from an over-stretched care system? Just one tiny soul in a sea of other lost souls.

Tune in next week for more laughs.


ed said...

obviously the latter.
but celebrities will never stop getting attention

Belle said...

When I feel sorry for myself, I think of all the millions (billions?) of people in the world who have it worse than me. That is what Cheryl Cole should be thinking. It might help her.

Colin Biano said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dirtycowgirl said...

Perhaps someone should just shoot her and put her - and us - out of her misery.

Cheryl that is, not the old lady.
But your post is another fine example of what is wrong with this so called celebrity culture.

Violet said...

some cunt crying on tv over money?
some dumbassed bitch who ate worms or whateverthefuck for more money.
poor granny. she needs a hug.
and cole- the guillotine.

ain't life the shit?

too many turds surfing on the sea of self-reighteousness.

OatmealStout said...

I don't even know who "Cheryl Cole" is. Does that make me a good person? :)

Oilfield Trash said...

I agree with Violet on this one.

bobo said...

Yeah, just shows how messed up the News can be...

Erika said...

I want to use her tears as lubrication....

Cheryl Cole disgusts me.

mark fellows said...

Damn Tony, that was deep, and right on the money. "crocodile tears" versus no tears, by someone who doesn't know to be sad. That is said, you got to me with that one. Thank you.

mark fellows said...

Just one more thing Tony... When I want to put in that comment, the captcha made me type in "dushe" Are you trying to tell me something, or is Blogspot?

duffboi said...

blah on media

Tony Van Helsing said...

Ed: We just can't leave them alone.

Belle: We are all entitled to a moan now and again with someone comparing our pitiful woes with the starving millions.

Colin: Great point and well put.

Dirty: Always with the extreme option.

Violet: Language!

Oatmeal: You are better off in ignorance on this one.

OT: I agree with Violet too, especially the swearing.

Bobo: News is basically gossip.

Erika: That is mucky.

Mark: To be honest I didn't know the captcha thing came up on my blog so I can't claim credit for 'dushe'.

Duff: Blah blah blah. said...

People love to look at, scrutinize, and watch the meltdown of 'hot messes' everywhere. Cole is what Britney Spears was 5 years ago... to an extent.

Now, if Ms Cole shaves her head and goes on a rampage, we have a winner winner chicken dinner...

My Own Private Idaho

Sarah said...

That story of the old lady has made me feel really sad, it's tragic! It makes you realise how truley privileged some people are, but seem to be so self-absorbed that they aren't even aware of it. It's also quite strange to think that I'm really content with my life, when celebrities like Cheryl Cole have everything they could ever want - yet still unhappy. Just goes to show that money doesn't make you happy.

Lindsay N. Currie said...

Jesus Christ Tony that was really depressing. The old lady - sheesh, how awful. Reminds me of how lucky I am to have a house strewn with the toys and dirty clothes of three little ones. Maybe they'll take care of me when I'm no longer lucid:)

Tony Van Helsing said...

Lost: attention seekers the lot of them.

Sarah: I think these people are quite disappointed by the reality of fame after striving so hard to achieve it.

Lindsay: Some people are lucky and some are not. Life, I'm afraid.

Reilly said...


J.B. said...

she just lives her life out in the public, if we would look away she would be sad for real

fpotd said...

Good read ;p

Tony Van Helsing said...

Reilly: mmmmmmhhhhh.

J.B. Well said.

fpotd: Glad you liked it.