Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Aliens in the '80s.

With Battle: Los Angeles and Super 8 due in the cinemas this year no doubt we will be watching CGI aliens looking all glossy and realistic.
With that in mind lets have a little celebration of simpler times, when aliens in movies were men in suits or wobbly puppets.


Anti-social lunatics with a ridiculously complicated reproductive cycle that involved a queen laying lots of eggs while other aliens kidnapped people and glued them to the wall. Then the egg would open and a thing like a crab pops out and has sex with their face.

The crab would then die after implanting a little baby alien into the host, who themselves die when the alien burst out of their chest.
The finished product was a shiny spiky thing with a head like a banana and for some reason a retractable jaw, presumably for gettng the last pickled onion out of jars.


Another alien with overcomplicated mouth, this was a seven foot Rastafarian lizard that liked nothing better than to drink a few cans of beer and go hunting in the woods. Best remembered for punching out Schwarzenegger and making him whimper like a puppy.


Yes, I know they aren't strrictly aliens but what the hell else are they? Another strange reproductive cycle involving a cute furry thing that you weren't allowed to get wet or feed after midnight. This means that Gizmo would stink like a manky dog because you couldn't wash him.

Add the fact that he had no parental control of his offspring and to be honest a lot of trouble could have been avoided by taking Gizmo to the vet and having him put down.


I'm going to put myself on the line here and say that E.T. would have been a better film if he had stayed dead. This would have shown the kids that when things die they stay dead and don't magically come back to life.
The film was good until he came back from the dead but went daft when he started making bikes fly.
If he could do that then why didn't he fly off when he was being chased at the beginning?

Despite the above comments I thoroughly enjoyed all of these films and look back on them with happy memories. Before I go special mentions go to , The Thing, Starman, Brother from Another Planet and Cocoon, all great films and worth having a look if you haven't already done so.


Al Penwasser said...

Outstanding post about alien beings from the 80s. But, you forgot one: Prince.
On a related topic, I knew that the "aliens" had acid for blood. I would have thought that, once they were "plugged," they would just dissolve the deck underneath them and disappear completely.
Problem solved.

moztheroz said...

Hi Fraser,

have read a few of your blogs in the past so thought it's time to sign up as you touched on a subject close to the heart.
Alien has to be one of the best 'scary' movies, it's edge of the seat stuff but, having read your thoughts it does make you reflect on a few things.
Firstly, when that crab type thing jumped on Kane's face, was it consensual sex? - who enjoyed it the most?
I always thought that when the alien exploded from Kane's chest, it was somewhat premature, I imagine the alien wasn't quite ready for the lamb madras that he had just quaffed?
Surely that was the time to swat the little critter? - it was a baby for god's sake.
Anyway, chance missed, they spend the next few days skulking round the ship getting picked off one by one. - If it had been me, I would have been in that escape pod as soon as the others had a kip. I suppose had that happened, there would have been no follow up movies (which were still pretty good).
Humph, I'm never going to watch a movie the same again.