Friday, 7 January 2011
I don't need to know your life story.
Matt Cardle has got his biography out in the shops. Everyone must have been waiting to hear the facsinating story of how he was born, went to school, became a painter and decorator then won a talent contest.
Obviously the marketing machine that runs X Factor will do everything to squeeze as much money as they can while he is still in the public eye bit this is stretching it a bit. People who have been in the public eye for a nanosecond think they have a story to tell.
One person who has been in the public eye for a bit longer is Jordan, who last time I looked had got four autobiographies out and she's only in her thirties.
Now she must be an astute business woman after making millions by basically getting her knockers out in Nuts magazine but after reading one her autobiographies she doesn't appear to be self aware.
She goes around saying she wants this or wants that when plainly she doesn't know what she wants.
She arranged her wedding to that nice but dim drag queen like some ruthless business transaction, organising exclusive rights for photos and catering and vetting the guest list so it was full of celebs who would raise her profile the most.
Then on the wedding day she ends up crying in a cupboard because the whole thing seems cold and impersonal.
Gazza's revealed that he was a chav with a drink problem who happened to be a stunning footballer with a sponging family and mates who took advantage of him.
Biographies can be very illuminating and entertaining but you need to either have had a full and eventful life or be able to write about the most mundane things in an interesting or funny way.
Matt Cardle needs to bring a biography out in a few more years when he's grown some hair on his chest.