What the hell has been going on here? I go away for a few
weeks leaving you lot in charge and look at the state of the bloody place!
That giant baby who runs North Korea is openly threatening
nuclear war and being pictured surrounded by military types in hats as big as
pizzas.
Groups of gullible, bigoted young men with untidy beards
keep springing up all over the place and trying to blow up innocent people just
because they don’t subscribe to their lifestyle.
Elderly children’s television presenters who were part of my
growing up keep being accused of child abuse. It is like my childhood innocence
is being dismantled bit by bit.
What were you lot thinking? I feel like I have gone for the
evening to go watch a film and have a nice meal and trusted you to look after
the house.
And what do I find when I get back? My car wrapped around a
tree, teenagers having sex in my bath tub, the cat has had his fur shaved off
and the house is ablaze.
Well this is the last time I leave you with any
responsibility, you have not only let me down but you have also let yourselves
down. It looks like I won’t be going
anywhere for awhile until you lot have grown up and proved you can be trusted.
Now go to your rooms and have good think about what I have
said and I’ll start clearing up the mess.
And welcome back, I've missed you.
While the cats away the mice will play . . . . I use the word play loosely, it includes madness, crime, war and other stuff.
ReplyDeleteIn my case bad spelling but I think I made it OK with this comment.
welcome back
ReplyDeleteGood to have you back ranting!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back, glad I am part of a whole other lot.
ReplyDelete"Groups of gullible, bigoted young men with untidy beards keep springing up all over the place and trying to blow up innocent people just because they don’t subscribe to their lifestyle."
ReplyDeleteThis is just the truest man, absolutely sickening behaviour, the world is such a bizarre place at times. It's great to have you back regardless mate, hope you had a good break!
Rob: Cats don't start wars...I think.
ReplyDeleteAdam: thanks.
Francis: Glad to be back and ranting.
PAt: So am I.
Matthew: Good to see you again. It wasn't a break, I've been in training for seven weeks.
Booger off.
ReplyDeleteGo fuck yourself.
ReplyDeleteGood to see you back!
ReplyDeleteJerry: And you.
ReplyDeleteJanie: Right back at you.
Dana: Happy to be back.
Oh, shut the fuck up you whiny ass baby. But my synopsis on North Korea still stands. They are full of shit. Actually, they are not full of shit. To be full of shit, you have to eat food. And they have no food.
ReplyDeleteAnyway. I'm glad you're back. I've fucking missed you, man. I mean, I know I don't know you and shit, but it's just like.... like.... a part of me was just missing.... and I couldn't put my finger on it..... and then I sat outside on my back porch cutting my toenails last night, because if I cut my toenails inside, they go flying off into space and I'll never find them... but anyway... what was I talking about? Dude. Today is my 19th wedding anniversary. Can you believe that shit? Some crazy asshole has actually put up with my bullshit for 19 years. But it's cool, cuz I fucked his brains out last night. So anyway. Yeah. Welcome back.
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ReplyDeleteYou sound angry. I think you need to eat more cheese and less crackers.
ReplyDelete=P
Deus: that is the most heartfelt comment I have ever received, I've missed you too. Happy Anniversary, keep on fucking.
ReplyDeleteNote to self: do not get a hot tub. lol
ReplyDeleteWelcome back, Tony!
Oh, shoot, not the 'you have let yourselves down' line! That's the worst!
ReplyDeleteGlad you're back :)
You sound like my mother. Are you sure that's a good thing?
ReplyDeleteOh Jeez, focus on the negative why don't you?! There has been good news, I'll point to the fact that Mitt Romney is not president of the good ol' USA as one item. Global warming made the rainy months here really quite bearable, since they pretty much didn't exist. Bad news for the planet but good for the homeless people who live in the woods. Granted, the woods do smell much nicer after a good rain but not catching pneumonia and not dying is preferable to the smell of pine, I should think.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, the world is crazy but I doubt it's any crazier than any other time in history. We humans (the entire race of us from the beginning of us) should be ashamed of ourselves. Sometimes I like to imagine what the planet would be like if we humans had never existed. I picture the forests like in Jurassic Park but without the dinosaurs. I know that there would be a lot more beautiful views with no houses and businesses and other man-made structures to obscure them. So when you're feeling like you want to throttle some crazy person's neck, just go to your happy place (if your happy place is the planet Earth without people or dinosaurs). Okay, maybe one or two dinosaurs but only if they're nice, thoughtful, talking dinosaurs, like Little Foot and his friends.
You dare throw a tantrum? After you left your sweaty t-shirts and briefs to mold in the blog corner, and took off without so much as a forwarding address? Well just cry me a river.
ReplyDeleteCould be worse.
ReplyDeleteCould be WOMEN with untidy beards.
Oh. Ewwww.
It is like a homecoming being back in Bloggerland. Welcome home, you were missed.
ReplyDeletePeople with untidy beards are blowing shit up? What's this world coming to? Can't anybody clean shaven join in the mayhem?
ReplyDeleteI blame it on time itself
ReplyDelete